When I entered a world of BDSM and kink I had some expectations and later I discovered that some were worng. I also met a lot of people with a lot of expetaction and I realized than the reason why I/you/they/ cannot find our counterpart is rooted in expectations. Let's start with some, I consider as false:
1. There are equal number of Doms and subs (like men and women), therefore there is a good chance that you easily find a counterpart at least for short term interaction.
Wrong: There are much more subs/slaves/... than Doms/Masters/...*. Don't ask me why, but I think that answer is in the nature... each group of animal has limited number of dominants (fighting for power) why majority is submissive. The nature keeps balance. So, if you are sub, you have less counterparts, but many Doms seek more than one sub. Sure, if you want to find a partner for a lifetime bond and closed relationship... your task is much harder.
2. An experienced, mentally stable, wise, gentle yet firm and good looking Dom is alone and bored.. and desperadly waits as some "wanna be" who send him/her message "I might be interested".
Wrong:
A] A Dom with all these qualities will never be alone for a long time. You either have to find a jackpot or you need to attract attention a Dom who already has his subs and who is open to meet another one. A perfect Dom who is alone is almost a nonsense. Sure, let's make an example a Dom whose long term slave died and he seeks a new one to establish a new couple. But in 95% good Doms are not alone, but some are open to have more interaction.
B] However, if you seek more than one night hookups, trust me, Doms who are seeking more also have difficulties to find a long term match. So keep trying
3. Only young subs with nice bodies have a real chance
Wrong:
A] If a Dom seeks more than a quick f*ck, a mental skills are important as well. The more serious bond you seek, the more important is a match of minds, not a sixpack. But don't take it an excuse to be lazy and fat.
B] Do not judge yourself the way that you even do not try to address a Dom who you like because you think you are too ..... (old, short, fat,....). Let him to judge.
I split subs into two main categories (and a third in between) based on my own personal experience. The first has a lot very prospective subs (from my point view), but they think that they have zero chance with me, and they almost gave up an effort to address me. These subs have unique qualities, but usually they are shy with a low self-esteem. I am pretty sure that "I lost" some very interesting subs who never addressed me. The second group of subs is completely different. They have high self-esteem, high expectations, but usually zero qualities for me (maybe for others they have some). These subs are suprised when I show no interested and they are sometimes offended. The third group is a mixture of previous.
4. There are no Doms, Masters,... in my area or for me
Wrong:
A] They exists but either you are not able to address them or your expectation and requests are so high that you are craving for a non-existing person.
B] They exists, you have managed to address them, but you did not attract them. Reasons can be broad, think why, keep trying and extent the area
5. Everything related to relationship and sex has to be provided for free otherwise it is not real
Wrong:
A] I once had the same opinion, but now I see I was wrong, except the situation when a young man seeks a young woman to marry her and have babies. In the rest of case see this point: Everything in your life have some value, and nothing is free... at least you pay in your time. And your time on this planet is limited with unclear stock. You don't have to pay for a meal in a restaurant, but if you want to eat a good meal your either have to cook (and pay in your time) or you have to find a person who do it for you for free. But, if someone cooks for you for free (lets assume that you pay only for input ingredients, energy and equipment)... you will probably have to do something in return for that person, plus you pay in your time for seeking that person.
B] An old jokes says that a marriage is the most expensive way of how to have a sex ... occasionally.
C] Some people argument, that a sex is balanced trade and both sides are satisfied... It can be a true. But considering BDSM tastes, if I am asked to act consensualy, respect deals, limits and take subs preferences into consideration... a lesson, is a bit disbalances in a favour of a sub. Why? For example, one day I am in a mood for a hard spank session, another for a piss and dirt play and another for watching TV while a delicions meal is served... And what if my cook arrives on my spank day and my obedient urinal object arrives when I am hungry? There is a difference between a time limited play and a life.
My personal opinion shift was affected by the moment when I started be very active in BDSM world and I was asked by many subs for interaction (from a chat, to a lesson or sometimes even more like service "come to my hotel place, give me a lesson and go"). And I enjoyed this a lot but soon I realized that I have a lack of time, I am spending a lot of money on toys, while my job and hobbies suffer a bit. So inevitably I had to started to sort and deny some requests.... and as I clarified for myself what I want and like... I realized that occasional providing paid lessons for selected subs is the way how to have fun, cover costs and make more subs happy. It never will be a job for me, so I am not a professional Master. Still, there are also other "free" options how to meet me
My day has only 24 hours. This is also a reason why I don't waste my
hours on an online play while I can have a real interaction or do some
other real hobbies. My plan is to enjoy a real life as long as it will be possible.. and than, I switch online... I will play online games I am skipping now, I will have kinky chats for hours, watch Netflix for days... So if you are into online.. wait 20-30 years and then we can play 😉
*) Note in this text a word "sub" means any person in any passive, submisive position... slave, sub, masochist, object, fag, boi... whoever... By word "Dom" I mean any person in active or dominant position ... Dom, Master, Owner, spanker, sadist, pet keeper,....
Do you know other false expectation? Leave me a comment